There something about the combination of comfortable, lazy music serving as the background for complete unpredictability that creates a humorous and strangely appealing experience for me. Sweet sax music dances euphorically from my tv's speakers, while menacing dark clouds hang on a golden sun for Tuesday, and sharp pointy lines shoot off the same golden sun on Wednesday. It's almost like their trying to trance me into being comfortable with the thought of torrential downpours and hellish heat jerking me back and forth. And let's face it, they never really know what they're talking about.
I wish I could be humored by my own attempts to create calm from chaos. While mankind has dominated most of our planet through the ages, interestingly enough he cannot control himself, nor the fact that he has no true control over the events of his day. When it all comes down to it, we're all on a level playing field. And we're no closer to successfully prognosticating our days than we are at laying eggs.
My friend Jason once came to a startling conclusion while writing a script for a short film that would hopefully jumpstart his career as a filmmaker. The film was about a young aspiring screenwriter, so caught up in writing his own stories of heroes and damsels in distress that he didn't realize that he was taking too much creative liberty and making himself the hero in the story that was playing out in his own life. The only problem was that his actions in the movie were not heroic...they were heinous. Yet, in the main character's mind, what he was doing was righteous, probably because it fed a desire that he had for himself. A desire to do what he wanted ultimately.So, Jason's conclusion? "It all comes down to control." It seemed every situation always came back to this same realization for Jason for the next three or four months, and quite rightly, I often would mock his epiphany after growing tired of hearing it once again. It didn't matter what we were talking about, it all came back to the issue of control. I think I eventually countered that it was less about control and more about selfishness...and I'm not sure that there's a whole lot of difference, but the important thing is that I gave Jason something else to think about.
I've grown more attached to this thought over the years, this control or selfishness issue, and more so now as a married man. Marriage breaks down most of the walls that shield us from seeing our true selves, and in most cases, yields a most unpleasant view of a selfish person. And I fight this knowledge, almost longly for some sweet jazz music to be played in the moments when life is not easy, when either I or my wife or both of us are living for ourselves.
This is an earthly life...enduring through the discomfort of change and the certainty of uncertainty for a life incorruptible and whole. May we embrace the music, enjoy the moments and see less of the bent toward self every day.
Oh, and Jason...it doesn't all come down to control.
